Sunday, July 7, 2013


I'm so lonely. I'm 34 years old now and this is not where I imagined my life would be. I have so much family, so many acquaintances but I may as well be alone on this earth. No one knows and those that do have no understanding, its like being a leper . My kids accept me no matter what but you cant unload your burdens and thoughts on children. I think about death constantly but the guilt of the ones that would suffer hold me here. I've lost everything. I have legal problems I have to deal with that and it prevents me from running home to my sister the good twin. I thought I had found the love of my life and that he would stand by me and in the end he threw me out and kept everything I owned. Essentially I'm homeless now. I have nothing but the clothes I was allowed to take and a vehicle I can't really afford. I'm without a job and things aren't looking good. My ex-husband has allowed me to stay but not for long. I have to make something happen soon. I've borrowed money from my father, something I haven't done since I was still a teenager and my this guy I thought loved me isn't responding to my please to return my furniture and my belongings. what do I do? where do I go? Arizona isn't very friendly. I miss home. I need help. I've never admitted that.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Borderline Personality Disorder

Tell me that you'll stay with me until one of us is dead, tell me how you love my heart but despise what's in my head.

You think I want to live like this; afraid and so alone immersed in all this anger that I cannot even control?

My life is like a desert land where nothing lovely grows and rain is just a mere mirage like the love I'll never hold.

How can I hold on when I myself let go; even when I try so hard to let my good side show.

Sometimes I'm in heaven and everything is bright and then the monster is unleashed and my day is dark as night.

I cannot bear this loneliness, the loss that I endure, why am I denied the right to be a happy soul?

Tell me that you'll be there, when I lose control, don't abandon me because you see; it's not really me at all.